The first week of 2022 is now over and so much has changed, and there is even more change to come as I try to map out what life will look like for me and my girls.
2021 was really, really hard. I thought 2020 was horrible, but I guess life was not done with us yet. I have witnessed and walk aside my girls as they have had circumstances so far out of their control smack them around and change their worlds and plans in ways that all I can say is simply unfair. As a parent, we walk along side our children and help them bring their life plans into reality. We coach, we teach, we help, we give the gentle pushes and directions. Sometimes they get mad at us for bringing a bit of reality into dreams, but down the road they learn to understand why we sometimes have to help them on that path. The one thing that none of us could ever plan or expect was a government-induced pandemic that altered all plans, affected all families and shattered so many dreams, my family included. At this point the parent tool-box, our own life tool-boxes feel very empty of skills to navigate, what feels like, never-ending government intrusion in our lives.
My eldest daughter just moved to a state of more freedom, opportunity and lower cost of living- Texas. Pre-Rona, she was living on her own 4 hours away from home, working, and going to school for her feild of choice. Within 2 weeks of the start of the Fear-demic, she lost almost all of her work hours- from full time to 5 hours/week, then got laid-off. Her school went online and then she could not pay rent. So, I fueled up my truck and drove to move her back home. Not the easiest transition for a young adult who was loving their life. Then came a season of unemployment for her, eventually finding work, re-evaluating school, and giving up on part of her dreams, trying to find a new solution to achieve some another way- hence the move to Texas. To say it did not hurt my heart a little bit would be a falsehood, but after watching her struggle for almost 2 years and having many setbacks, it is completely understandable.
In January of 2021, she had broken her arm in multiple places. That turned into an absolute nightmare, not because of the break, but all of the Rona policies in place by the healthcare system that make absolutely no sense, and actually are harder on the patient and do NOT promote calm or healing. I could probably write about just this topic for days, but I will spare you. But for a young person, who had never gone to the ER, never had surgery, and never broken a bone, to go through the agony of not one, but TWO surgeries, completely ALONE, is absolutely ridiculous and terrifying! No one to advocate for her, no one to go through her medical issues, or to even get the discharge instructions- as she was heavily medicated, having her sign documents, and she has no memory. Her sister and I, along with my dear friend just waited hours and hours outside hoping for information. Later that night, they just roll her out and put her in my truck- later to find out I was supposed to be doing specific physical therapy exercises with her- would have been nice to know! Only set her back in healing, that’s all! Imagine all of the scared older people going into the hospital alone, or people who have memory issues. ALONE! No one to hold their hands, no one to advocate on their behalf. But the prisoner from CMC who showed up not feeling good, he got THREE guards with him. Everyone else- ALONE!
My younger daughter has probably lost the most. I lost my third job and 75% of my business, she lost her world. She was in her Sophomore year when the world freaked out. It was opening weekend of her 3rd show of 2020 and that was a strange experience as the theatre was locked , everything as it was on that last show, not finishing the run. Six months later they let the theatre company come in and take down the set. Weird! She was booked out for months for work (party princess!), shows and music- all GONE with the snap of a finger.
The stress of the last few years has taken a toll on her overall health, causing her auto-immune issues that were at one time not causing her daily dysfunction, have flared and raged for the last 6 months. Twice this summer she was going to be in shows that cancelled over fears. in 2021, she was accepted to the most prestigious musical theatre college in the country once she graduated, and this week, she had to decline her admission as her health is preventing her from passing the physical and she cannot comply with all of the new draconian mandates of New York City. She handled it well, but I know it hurt her tremendously, because as I write this, I just want to either hit the wall or burst into tears for her- All of this has been so out of her control.
Imagine having extra time on your hands and trying to figure out what your future is going to look like, as the childhood traumas and the effects of the divorce really start to bubble over. It has been hard, really, really, ugly hard. I don’t write this for anyone’s sympathy, I don’t expect it. But I write as a way to vent and to let people know as they are living their life in fear and pushing more and more to destroy society in the name of “safety”, the consequences for families and especially young adults and children will be felt for years and years to come.
2022 is the year of uncertainty. Our lives will be forced to change once again after graduation in June. Too much to detail here, but it involves moving, finances and future plans. Nothing is harder for a mom, when her kids ask, “What will we do?” and for the first time in my life, I literally do not know. I am the one they look to for wisdom, counsel, a plan . . . I have none of that for the changes that we have coming this summer. I have ideas, I am researching . . . but I do not have firm answers. Just like the last 2 years+ for my girls and I- We just roll with the punches and pray, seek wisdom and communicate as best as we can.
I know change is hard, I know change is coming. I will have to rest in knowing that if I don’t have a plan today, God ultimately does. That is the hope I cling to on these hard days.
pamperedjaime 