One of the hardest parts of being a mom is watching your children work, practice, work and practice in competitions, and other areas of life to not see the successes they work towards. When my girls were showing livestock, they were always ethical in their practices of raising their animals, putting the needs of their animals ahead of their own, helping other members of their club or chapter, and putting heart and soul in into whatever they do. In the case of showing livestock, they did not have tons of money, or professional trainers, or cheat with growth hormones or have their parents take judges out to dinner the night before the show. No, my girls worked for everything, but you could walk around the barn and the same group of kids, who played in the pro-world, were already the winners before the show started, with a few exceptions. Nothing is more frustrating than seeing your kids empty handed after many years- except the knowledge of knowing they did it all themselves.
Fast forward to today. BOTH of my daughters are running in the Miss California Mid State Fair scholarship pageant. They have worked so hard. Countless hours of practice at home, meetings, workshops and rehearsals. Today was the luncheon and judges’ interviews. As I write this, they are in dress rehearsal for the anticipated pageant/show tomorrow night on the opening evening of the fair. Nothing hurts more than messages of one daughter saying they did awesome and the other thinks they bombed it. The emotions, the discouragement, the guilt. Top it off with job issues that happened right before going into one daughter’s interview. Throw in hormones to make it even more challenging. Nothing I can say can make it better. Except to try to listen and encourage. I can’t fix it, I can’t change anything. I would NEVER be that mom!
So many people have asked me how I feel about both of my daughter’s competing in the same pageant. It is hard. I pray all the time that my mother’s heart will be honored, that they both earn crowns and have their final year together at home be shared with the responsibilities to the fair and just that they make memories together. Deepen their bond to each other. Deepen their ties for when they are on opposite sides of the country.
We will know how this will all play out in a little over 24 hours of the time that I write this. I may look calm on the outside, but I am a freakin bundle of nerves inside. I will just keep praying and encouraging my girls to give it more than 100% even if they are feeling discouraged. NEVER give up! This will make them into better women, stronger, more resilient women. They are doing something I could have NEVER done. I never had that confidence, or anyone to encourage me for that matter, but that is a different story for a different day.
No matter how this all plays out, I am the proudest mom.